Bribes R Us!

By Deepak M. Rao

An opinion poll among a group of college kids, who had been diligently preparing for their exams, revealed the shocking news that they would prefer the Indian Parliament to be bombed. Though not belonging to the generation that doted on European propriety and traditions, I did find this extremely disturbing. We all have our secret fantasies but to spill the beans in the public is not a very smart thing to do. However, after I tortured myself by agreeing to take a simple math lesson from the bunch of enthusiastic kids, I began to see that what they said indeed made sense. This is what they said: If the Parliament is bombed, we shall invariably get a new house of representatives. And by employing simple rules of probability, one can say with utmost confidence that the probability that we get a better, more understanding and less corrupt set of administrators is 50%. Which is still better compared to what we have today.

Such reactions are not baseless. India is in the race for the world's most corrupt nations. Bribes exchange hands faster than viral infection spreads from one person to another. To get the police to lodge a complaint, a woman is forced to walk around in her under-clothes. To get an appointment with a higher-up in any government office, hands of all the officials under him in the hierarchy should be greased. To get an okay from the concerned department to build a house, money needs to change hands. To get electricity, water supply, anything for that matter, bribes are the means. If any of you thinks this is the rattling of a bored youngster, ask yourself (if you have built a house) if you have paid money for all the above mentioned reasons. And if you have been lucky enough to have a dad who has built you a house, ask him. His story would make you run to the nearest store to buy tissue papers.