What Children Learn From Their Parents' Marriage

Parents should be thoughtful about what they say about their partner in the presence of children. Parents may say things to or about their partners that are hurtful, either in the heat of anger or while talking to others. Adults may think children are playing noisily in the other room, but the children might be listening and are not capable of distinguishing what is said in anger or frustration from what their parents feel.

It is important for parents to make their marriage a priority. In a fast paced world, it is easy to put career, childcare and even personal time before the marriage.

Conflicts in a marriage are to be expected. I suggest that parents work on negotiating skills. When parents negotiate in front of their children, they help children see that differences are healthy and necessary for creating balance in life. There is no better way to give your child the tools to build healthy, strong relationships than to raise them in an environment where parents practice listening respectfully, acknowledging differences and working thoughtfully to negotiate solutions to problems.

There's a difference between negotiating a conflict and fighting in anger. Research shows that children are negatively affected by parents' anger. When parents can create a home where children are no longer worried about conflict and see differences as a normal part of life, the parents have given their children a great gift.