How to Communicate with Teenagers

Understanding the developmental stages of teenage is essential. When your teenager is moody and sullen, when she is screaming at you for being a horrible parent, when you feel your teenage son has forgotten how to talk, when your teenager avoids you in public, when your daughter is constantly criticizing your taste in fashion, when your kids would rather be with their friends than spend an evening with the family - remind yourself that these are normal behaviors, and in time, they will pass.

Repeat the mantra when confronted with this typical and normal teenage behavior: "This is not about me!" When you are driving your teenager to school and he does not say a word the entire way, despite several attempts on your part to strike up a conversation, know that this is normal. Repeat silently to yourself: "This is not about me!" It is about your teenager - his moodiness, his need to withdraw, his uneasiness with his changing self. When you ask your daughter about her day and she snaps back at you, "Nothing happened, OK? Why don't' you just leave me alone?" Remind yourself "This is not about me!" It is about your daughter and her self-criticism or her fight with her friend or the pressure at school or her desire to be left alone.

When your teenager is critical of you, do you get defensive? When he is morose, do you feel vaguely responsible? When he is silent in the car on the way to school, do you feel obliged to find a topic of conversation? At these times remind yourself that tomorrow he will be in a different mood.

What is important is how your child's behavior affects you and how you choose to respond. Your behavior is your responsibility. I encourage parents to take care of themselves so that they have the parental strength to continue to guide their teenagers during these challenging years.