US finds "SlumPlot Pakistan"

By Murli

Has Barack Obama lost the plot in Pakistan? Or is it vice versa? Washington critics say the Prez has lost it in the White House, but the First Lady can't find it, nor can the White House staff, because no one has a clue as to what it is, or how the plot looks like, in the first place.
According to the New Ark Times, the FBI has commissioned a massive search codenamed SlumPlot Pakistan, as a top secret stimulus package to bail out the President.
Martha and Mathew, the lead cast of SlumPlot Pakistan were discussing the mystery of the missing plot while they were stuck in a jam in Madison Square.
"The President wants us to find out if Asif Ali Zardari, the President of Pakistan, is a closet suicide bomber," Martha began. "He was supposed to rule Pakistan, but the way he is ruining it, raises a lot of suspicion."
"I think he's not there yet, it could be just a suicidal streak" Mathew replied. "When you are really serious about ending your life, you don't cash billion dollar cheques and ask for some more the next weekend."
Martha raised her eyebrows. "You mean, Taliban is buying out Peshawar now?"
"Oh, no," said Mathew with a nervous laugh. "A group that calls itself 'Friends of Pakistan' is lobbying for more billion dollar cheques for Pakistan."
"It's tricky," said Martha, shaking her head. "How do we convince Congress that it is sound policy to ask a homeless, jobless and broke American citizen to lend his last dollar to some "friends of Pakistan", and that too, when he suspects he knows better than us, whose "friends" these are."
"Well, White House wants out of the box ideas and they've got one," said Mathew bitterly.
"Islamabad's problem is they have a government that does everything but govern, an army that prefers to be pally with its enemy rather than fight it, and an enemy that strikes deals with the government on OUR cheques," Martha said, slapping her hand on the table.
"Wait a minute, I think I have cracked SlumPlot Pakistan, I've found the plot!" said an excited Mathew. "Pakistan's main threat to its survival is its government and the army, correct?"
"Sounds funny, but it's true," replied Martha wryly.

"In that case, why don't we move the government and the army out of Pakistan?"
"You mean outsource them? Will that stop White House from shipping those billion dollar cheques?"
"Sure it will," said Mathew raising his voice. "Zardari can move his government to say, the White House Annexe - which, anyways, is the unofficial HQ from where we rule Pak - while the army can be asked to shift to say, PoK, which is also its unofficial HQ during the off-season."
"What about the Pakistani police?"
"Well, with both the major threats to peace neutralized, they can happily while away their time flying kites with the Friends of Pakistan."
"But can we sell this plot to President?" Martha wondered aloud.
"Why not? After all, Pakistan's top leaders live outside Pakistan, and visit Islamabad only to collect their paychecks."
"Yeah, we might have found the plot," Martha nodded, "and it looks like we have a story on hand."
"I think, apart from the President, even his kids will love the plot!"
"As will the Friends of Pakistan."