Protecting Democracy from …Voters

By Murli
With the world's largest democracy going to the largest ever polls on earth, a Professor of Political Science from Harvard University hunkered down to New Delhi to unravel the magic of how voters who can't name more than two and a half leaders at the most, make their choice from over 200 + 40 (¾) political parties having 2,00,000 + 512  (½) candidates in the fray (Source: Bakwas @ polls.com)
"At the inset (Note: Harvard Professors always come to the point straight away. That's why they say 'at the inset' instead of 'outset'), what exactly do you mean by the term friendly contests?" the Harvard Professor asked a veteran MP who had contested in every election held in the country.
The MP explained with a smile, "In a friendly contest, your aim as a contestant is to ensure your opponent wins."
"I see," the Professor said, fingering his gingerly beard, not seeing at all.
The MP nodded understandingly and handed over a glass of water to the Professor. 
The Professor took a grateful sip, and asked, "So what do you do in the campaign trail? Tell people, 'Vote for my opponent, not me'?"
"No, no, in India, you DON'T take voters for granted," the MP said gently. "On the contrary, it is the voter who TAKES THINGS for granted."
"Hmmm, I see," the Professor said taking a deep breath, a learned finger twitching behind his knowledgeable goatee. "So in a friendly election you work hard to er..lose."
The MP nodded. "Making people vote for you is tougher than asking them to vote against you. For instance, you plant a story in the media that your opponent is planning to gift a Nano car to every voter. Now, you can say 'Tata' to your election!"
"Interesting," the Professor remarked, trying to disentangle his forefinger from the hairy forest inside his sharp ear. "What about the distinction between an alliance and seat-sharing arrangement?"
"An alliance is a deal between two parties who intend to fight together, but secretly fight each other. When their fight comes out in the open for the voters to see, the alliance partners divorce the alliance and prefer a seat-sharing arrangement."
"And what happens in this er…seat-sharing arrangement?"
"In a seat-sharing arrangement, a partner sacrifices its seats which are anyway absolutely useless to it."
"What about this thing called a Common Minimum Programme?" the Professor asked, looking up from inside his bushy eyebrows.
"It's an extremely important document," the MP explained, "which  comes handy for 24-hour TV channels to air after midnight when there are no viewers."

"A truly MINIMALIST programme," the Professor remarked, and without waiting for any clarification (Harvard Professors do not ask for any clarification even if they have to), added, "By the way, is it really true that in India, anyone can become PM?"
"Yes. ANYONE, even one who is not elected by the people."
"And all this in the name of democracy?" the Professor said, his eyebrow disappearing in his forehead.
"Yes. Democracy is too precious to leave it in the hands of ordinary voters."
"Perhaps Indian democracy is even more precious to leave it in the hands of the Parliamentarians?" the Professor suggested.
"That day may come," the MP agreed. "In which case, we Parliamentarians should lock up democracy and protect it from the voters."
 (Response to ksmurli1960@gmail.com)